final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
