In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
