I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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