found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
