I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
