you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
