Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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