At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
