I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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