good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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