i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
