He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
How external is "for external use only"?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
