my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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