we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Even the bartender felt bad for me
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
