2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
