it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
