the condom got lost in my hair
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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