the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
