Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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