Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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