He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize