So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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