eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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