I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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