I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We need to get me chipped asap
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
