I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Randomize
