I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
When did angry sex become our thing?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize