Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
