clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just forgot I was standing up.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
