okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
