He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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