i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
