Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
