puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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