Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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