Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
