Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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