Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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