I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
