how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
