You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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