Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize