Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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