i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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