i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
