You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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