After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
