How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
