I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
