Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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