He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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