There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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