my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
