Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize