Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i came on her dog
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
