clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
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They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
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Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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