I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
