have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
