I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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