Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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