I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
