I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
