Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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