Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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