you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
