I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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