He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
