That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
