just come out here and I will go home with you...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
