it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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