In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
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From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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