why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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