And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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