Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
