...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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