I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
