how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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