Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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