it hurts more in the daytime
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
