tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
