What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
