im having a threesome with these popsicles
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
