he thought i was a dude.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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