i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
