i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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